10 Tips for Driving in the Snow From a Southerner’s Point of View

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By Ford Kuhnel and Rowdy New 

1.     Make sure your car heater works  

This helps when you switch your heater to defrost, and this will deice your windshield allowing you to be able to see.  

2.     Do NOT drive on bald tires  

Especially when you drive a rear-wheel-drive sports car like a red Miata, because it will send you into a ditch going 60 mph somewhere in the middle of Nevada. You will leave pieces of your bumper all over the interstate, destroying your pride and joy while crushing your ego.  

3.     Carry an ice scraper in your car 

Make sure your ice scraper is the appropriate size for your car or you will be standing in the negative temperatures while running late to weights at 5 o’clock in the morning, trying to clear the ice off with a credit card. 

4.      DO NOT deplete the windshield washer fluid tank. 

Winter windshield washer fluid has an antifreeze agent that prevents your windshield from freezing. Otherwise, you will have to call your dad at the top of the mountain complaining about how your windshield is freezing over because you decided to modify your car for racing, and then stop on the side of the road every 10 miles to wipe off your windshield in minus 8-degree weather while standing in 3 inches of snow on a closed highway.  

5.     Have good windshield wipers 

Because if your heater and washer fluid work, you can wipe the snow/ice right off.  

6.     DO NOT have dry rotted/broken wipers  

This will allow the snow/ice to slide right under and pack it on to your windshield, making it impossible to see. 

7.     Make sure to brake early. 

Make sure to brake early because if not, you will stop too late. Then you slide through the stop sign, causing you to rear-end the state trooper in front of you. 

8.     Make sure your vehicle has a working traction control and anti-lock braking system (ABS)  

Having a working traction control and ABS will prevent you from going into a sudden slide in the event of an emergency. What you don’t want to do is make a sudden jab to the left while going 60 mph while you can’t see, almost hitting the back of a Mercedes SUV completely 90 degrees to the road, because your traction control and ABS didn’t work … and you couldn’t see … and you don’t know how to drive in the snow.  

9.     How to safely get from point A to point B: Drive sideways and start drifting  

If you already have a loss of traction, you are already comfortable with being sideways, which will happen in the snow anyway.  

10.   Don’t hit curbs  

If the curbs are frozen, this will cause more damage from curbing your rims than normal. For example, the rim of your tire may come completely off, making your entire wheel come off and leaving you stranded in minus 11-degree temperatures while you are waiting on your dad’s wrecker service to get you in the middle of the snowstorm that happens once every ten years in Texas. Or you bend your lower suspension piece, ruining an axle, leaving you stranded in somebody’s front yard and then waiting a week for your car to be repaired, and then ruining a wheel bearing three days later because you were drifting your car in the snow like a degenerate.  

*Real race car drivers performed these actions on a closed course in a safe environment* 

DISCLAIMER: We are not responsible for any of your actions after reading this.